A man stands with his back turned when talking. Why do people look away during a conversation? Extensive speech with long phrases

60% of communication between people is non-verbal - body language, and 30% is the sound of the voice, so 90% of what you express is not related to speech. The degree of a person’s trust in words is only 20%, while the degree of trust in non-verbal communication (posture, gestures, mutual position of interlocutors) is 30%. Language of the body- a non-verbal form of communication that we use every day. The ability to master body language can greatly facilitate communication with others, including work colleagues, family and friends.
When communicating with each other, people pay much more attention to body language than to facial expressions. Moreover, the analysis of body language occurs at an unconscious level, while attention is usually focused on the interlocutor’s face. If a person’s movement and facial expression do not correspond, an alarm signal is immediately transmitted to the brain.

According to scientists, the basics of body language are embedded in the genetic code of each of us, but the environment can also influence them. For example, children who are blind from birth can laugh and smile, despite the fact that they have never seen a smile.

Body language is important not only in one-on-one communication with a person. In a group, people usually don't all talk at the same time. Usually one person speaks, and everyone else listens. The better your body language skills, the more people you will be able to impress or influence.

Here are some examples of body language that you may find useful when communicating with others:

1. If the person you are about to talk to has his hands clenched into fists on his hips, this means that he is either determined or aggressive.

2. If your interlocutor crosses his legs and looks at the tip of his toe, then most likely he is bored with the conversation.

3. Every time you cross your arms over your chest during a conversation, it means you are taking a defensive position.

4. A hand placed on the cheek means that a person is either thinking about something or evaluating something.

5. A chin resting on your hand is a sign of boredom and disinterest in the conversation.

6. If, when answering a question, your interlocutor constantly touches his nose with his hand, then, most likely, he either doubts or is telling a lie.

7. A slightly tilted head of your interlocutor means that he is interested in what you are telling him.

8. If you see a person lightly tapping his chin with his fist, this means that he is making a decision.

9. If you enter a room and see that your intended interlocutor is sitting on a chair with his legs crossed and holding his hands clasped behind his head, then this means that he is confident in himself and feels superior to you.

10. If you see that a person begins to bite his nails during a conversation, then most likely he is nervous or worried.

“We perceive the relationship between body language and a person’s facial expression subconsciously and immediately determine, relying on our internal feeling, whether a person with a cheerful facial expression, for example, is really in a good mood,” explains Professor Beatrice de Gelder.

Together with colleagues from Tilburg University, de Gelder took photographs of men and women experiencing fear or anger. It turned out that when there is fear, the body seems to take a “defensive position”, the legs are placed slightly with the toes towards each other, and the shoulders are slightly pulled back. In anger, on the contrary, a person’s posture, chest and shoulders protrude forward, and arms very often rest on both sides of the body.

Using special software, the researchers created two types of images: in some, facial expressions matched body movements, and in others, they did not. The face on which fear was written was “glued” to the body, the movements of which expressed anger, and vice versa.

The collage photographs were shown to 12 men and women. Volunteers had electrodes taped behind their ears to measure their brain activity. It turned out that the brain reacted to the “substituted” photographs in just 115 milliseconds.

It turns out that “fake” facial expressions are unlikely to mislead others. Of course, we try to control our face, for example not showing fear, so as not to frighten the child if we see something strange or scary. We can smile when someone offers a tasteless dish, but our body language will still give us away.

Knowledge of body language (the meaning of various gestures, facial expressions, etc.) is mandatory in the West for managers, starting from middle management. The following is the meaning of only a very few gestures out of all their diversity.

Gestures of boredom. They are expressed by tapping your foot on the floor or clicking the cap of a pen. Head in the palm of your hand. Automatic drawing on paper. Blank look "I'm looking at you, but I'm not listening."

Gestures of appreciation. They express thoughtfulness and dreaminess. For example, the “hand on cheek” gesture - people resting their cheek on their hand are usually immersed in deep thought. A gesture of critical assessment - the chin rests on the palm. the index finger is extended along the cheek, the remaining fingers are below the mouth in a “wait and see” position. A person sits on the edge of a chair, elbows on hips, arms hanging freely in a “this is wonderful!” position. A bowed head is a gesture of attentive listening. So, if the majority of listeners in the audience do not have their heads bowed, it means that the group as a whole is not interested in the material that the teacher is presenting. Scratching the chin, the "okay, let's think about it" gesture, is used when a person is busy making a decision. Gestures about glasses: wiping glasses, taking the frame of glasses into the mouth, etc. - this is a pause for reflection. reflecting on one's situation before more vigorously resisting, asking for clarification or raising a question.

Gestures of nervousness. Coughing, clearing the throat; those who often do this feel insecure, restless; the elbows are placed on the table, forming a pyramid, the top of which is the hands, located directly in front of the mouth; such people play “cat and mouse” with their partners until they give they have the opportunity to “reveal their cards”, which is indicated by moving their hands away from their mouths onto the table, jingling coins in their pockets, indicating concern about the availability or lack of money; tugging at one's ear is a sign that the interlocutor wants to interrupt the conversation, but is restraining himself.

Gestures of authoritarianism. Hands connected behind the back, chin raised, this is how army commanders, police officers, and senior leaders often stand. In general, if you want to make your superiority clear, you just need to physically rise above your opponent - sit above him if you are talking while sitting, or maybe stand in front of him.

Reinsurance gestures. Different finger movements reflect different sensations: uncertainty, internal conflict, fears. In this case, the child sucks his finger, the teenager bites his nails, and the adult often replaces his finger with a fountain pen or pencil and bites them. Other gestures of this group are interlocking fingers, with the thumbs rubbing each other; pinching of the skin; touching the back of a chair before sitting down in a gathering of other people.

Gestures of readiness. Hands on hips are the first sign of readiness and can often be observed in athletes waiting for their turn to perform. A variation of this pose in a sitting position - a person sits on the edge of a chair, the elbow of one hand and the palm of the other resting on the knees; this is how they sit immediately before concluding an agreement or. on the contrary, before getting up and leaving.

Gestures of appreciation. They express thoughtfulness and dreaminess. For example, the “hand on cheek” gesture - people resting their cheek on their hand are usually immersed in deep thought. A gesture of critical assessment - the chin rests on the palm. the index finger is extended along the cheek, the remaining fingers are below the mouth in a “wait and see” position. A person sits on the edge of a chair, elbows on hips, arms hanging freely in a “this is wonderful!” position. A bowed head is a gesture of attentive listening. So, if the majority of listeners in the audience do not have their heads bowed, it means that the group as a whole is not interested in the material that the teacher is presenting. Scratching the chin, the "okay, let's think about it" gesture, is used when a person is busy making a decision. Gestures about glasses / wipes glasses, puts the frame of glasses in the mouth, etc. - this is a pause for reflection. reflecting on one's situation before more vigorously resisting, asking for clarification or raising a question.

Gestures of protection"defensive". They respond to possible threats and conflict situations. When we see that the interlocutor has his arms crossed on his chest, we should reconsider what we are doing or saying, because he begins to move away from the discussion. Hands clenched into fists also mean a defensive reaction from the speaker.

Gestures of openness. Among them, the following can be distinguished: Open hands with palms up, a gesture associated with sincerity and openness, a shrug of the shoulders, accompanied by a gesture of open hands, indicates openness of nature, unbuttoning a jacket, people who are open and friendly towards you often unbutton their jacket during a conversation and even take it off in your presence. For example, when children are proud of their achievements, they openly show their hands, and when they feel guilty or wary, they hide their hands either in their pockets or behind their backs. Experts also noticed that during successful negotiations, their participants unbutton their jackets, straighten their legs, and move to the edge of the chair close to the table, which separates them from the interlocutor.

pacing. - a gesture indicating an attempt to solve a complex problem or make a difficult decision. Pinching the bridge of the nose is a gesture, usually combined with closed eyes, and indicates deep concentration of intense thought.

Gestures of trust. The fingers are connected like the dome of a temple, the “dome” gesture, which means trust and some self-satisfaction, selfishness or pride; a very common gesture in superior-subordinate relationships.

Body language expressed in gait.
The most important are speed, size of steps, degree of tension, body movements associated with walking, positioning of toes. Don't forget about the influence of shoes (especially for women)!

Fast or slow gait depends on temperament and strength of impulses: restless-nervous - lively and active - calm and relaxed - sluggish-lazy (for example, with a relaxed, saggy posture, etc.)

Wide steps(more often in men than in women): often extroversion, determination, zeal, enterprise, efficiency. Most likely aimed at distant goals.

Short, small steps(more often in women than in men): rather introversion, caution, calculation, adaptability, quick thinking and reactions, restraint.

Pronounced relaxed gait- lack of interest, indifference, aversion to coercion and responsibility, or in many young people - immaturity, lack of self-discipline, or snobbery.

Noticeably small and at the same time fast steps, rhythmically disturbed: anxiety, timidity of various shades. (Unconscious goal: to evade, give way to any danger).

Hidden feelings

"Body language" is a phrase that has made its way into the English language over the last twenty years. It reflects our increased interest in psychological thinking. We want to understand ourselves and other people, and we are looking for ways to do this better and more accurately. One reason for our interest in body language is that it allows us to recognize other people's hidden thoughts, feelings and concerns - as well as our own desires and fears.

Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, placed great importance on how we talk about our behavior.

Take these phrases:

* Jermy has an "inferiority complex."
* The presence of men “overwhelms” Sarah.
* Jonesy has "too much of an ego."

Psychoanalysis claims that each of us always has many subconscious desires. We suppress our desires. Often we do not know the true motives of our actions. Freud, who saw a funny side to this, loved the pranks, mistakes and slips that exposed these motives. These, as he called them, “parapraxes” allow what is hidden in the subconscious to break through. The subconscious is primitive, it is teeming with forbidden desires that we do not want to show to others.

Freud analyzed everything his patients said and remembered. They lay down on his famous couch (which is now in the Freud Museum in London) and had a conversation. Freud didn't observe people's behavior in real life very often, but he understood the importance of body language. One of his patients, whom Freud describes in his notes of 1905, seemed to lie calmly during a conversation, but he was betrayed by his fingers, the nervous tremor of which “revealed everything.”

Our fingers, hands, feet, ankles very often “reveal” our hopes, our fears, our anxiety and our character traits. Our gestures say a lot - both sweeping and subtle, especially when it comes to love or sex. Most of us very easily become neurotic at the mere thought that we are loved and desired. These neuroses also often manifest themselves in the language the body uses.

To learn to understand body language, you must very carefully study and observe the people around you - and yourself. In this book, I am going to offer you examples and cases that I think should help you understand some complex concepts and make nonverbal communication easier to understand. Sometimes, in order for you to feel what another person wants to tell you, he does not need to say a word.

The ability to recognize the character of your interlocutor and his thoughts by movements and facial expressions will give you a huge advantage over other people. Especially in the modern world, filled with rivalry, envy, lies and insincerity. Knowing some tricks, you can easily figure out a person - whether he is lying to you or not, how much your conversation means to him, what intentions he harbors in his head. Learn to read a person like an open book and all the trump cards will be in your hands.

Studying the interlocutor during a conversation

During important negotiations or just a dialogue with a stranger, pay attention to his gestures. This will help you understand what kind of person is in front of you and how he is configured.

• If a person’s hands are calmly open on the table, and his body is slightly tilted forward, then be sure that your interlocutor is not only inclined to talk, but also the subject of your conversation is very interesting to him.
• If during a conversation a person grabs a chair or puts his hands on his knees, then he is not averse to ending this conversation.
• If his hands are placed on his belt during a conversation, this may mean natural determination and aggression. Your interlocutor is not going to give in and is ready to insist on his point of view.
• If your interlocutor is a man and you are a woman, then some gestures may indicate increased interest. For example, his hands are tucked into the slits of his pockets or in the waistband of his trousers, and his pupils are slightly dilated. This means that he sees you primarily as an attractive woman and his desires are very unambiguous.

How to understand that they are lying to you?

If you doubt a person and assume that he might tell you a lie or treat you dishonestly, then pay attention to some gestures that will give him away.

• Children usually cover their mouths with their palm when lying, as if it could hide their lies. Interestingly, adults sometimes do almost the same thing, only they imitate coughing at this moment.
• Very often, a person who tells a lie slightly scratches his nose or scratches his eye, hiding from his own lies.
• If a person rubs his earlobe during a conversation, then he is not only insincere with you, but also does not want to listen to you anymore.
• You can't catch his eye - he constantly looks away. This can only mean one thing - he is afraid that his lies will be discovered.
• During a conversation, pay attention to facial expressions. The face is always mobile, but if your interlocutor’s left side is more involved (the eyebrow rises higher, the eye twitches slightly, etc.), then this is a sure sign of lying.
• It seems that the person is stuffy - he is fiddling with his tie, the collar of his shirt or sweater. Women may be tormented by a chain or beads hanging around their neck.
• Lying, especially if a person is not used to lying, can make his throat dry. This can be recognized by nervous swallowing or the fact that he asks for a glass of water if he is on your territory.
• The complexion may change - red, pale, or both alternately.
• A lying person's pulse quickens. A strong heartbeat can be noticed by the pulsating vein on the wrist.

What can facial expressions and eyes say?

Facial expressions and eye expressions can say a lot about a person’s state of mind.

• If a person constantly smiles, then he probably needs your approval.
• If the smile looks slightly crooked, this indicates that the person is nervous.
• If your eyebrows are raised when you smile, then the person agrees with you and is ready to submit without complaint.
• Lowered eyebrows, on the contrary, warn that the person has a feeling of superiority over you and is not going to give up so easily.
• If a person smiles and at the same time opens his eyes wide, then a threat comes from him.
• If a person’s eyes “drag” during a conversation, then he may experience a variety of feelings - shame, fear, anxiety. Or he's lying to you. Frequent blinking can tell you the same thing.
• A sparkle in the eyes indicates that a person is overly excited.
• If the pupils are enlarged, then your conversation is interesting to him, he feels satisfaction and pleasure. Constricted pupils often tell the story of negative emotions - anger, malice, irritation, rejection.

It is not enough to know these signs to say with confidence what kind of person is in front of you and what he is experiencing at the moment. It is necessary to learn to interpret the totality of these signs. Let's give a few examples.

For example, if a person averts his eyes to the side and looks up, then we can say with certainty that he is bored with the conversation, and you are of absolutely no interest to him. If your gaze is averted and directed downwards, then most likely the interlocutor is deceiving you.

And if he looks intently into your eyes, not allowing you to look away, and his pupils are dilated, then the person is experiencing sexual interest in you.

What can gestures say?

• Using open palms in a conversation shows you that the person you are talking to is completely frank and friendly towards you.
• Scratching the forehead, chin, cheeks or other parts of the head tells you that the person is unsure of what was said, worried and embarrassed.
• If a person adjusts his tie, cufflinks, fiddles with buttons or collar, then he is trying to hide his nervousness.
• Restlessness of the hands - a person fidgets with a napkin or handkerchief, plays with a pen, or something else indicates that he is alert and anxious.
• If a smoking person suddenly puts out a half-smoked cigarette or puts it aside, the conversation has gone in the wrong direction, it is tense and unpleasant.
• If the interlocutor takes off his glasses and begins to wipe the glasses or lightly bite their frame, then he needs time to think about your words and find the right answer and solution.
• He tilts his head to the side to let you know that he's interested.
• Frequently brushing bangs away from the forehead shows anxiety.
• A constant attempt to lean against something or lean on something tells you that this conversation is extremely difficult for a person, it is unpleasant for him, and he is wondering how he can get out of this situation. Support is needed in order to feel more confident.
• Collecting lint and imaginary specks of dust from clothes will tell you that the interlocutor does not agree with you and does not approve of you.

Knowing these gestures will be very useful to you when conducting business negotiations or simply during serious conversations that are important to you. This will also help you if you do not trust your interlocutor, suspecting that he may be deceiving you.

What can a person's posture say?

In some cases, you can evaluate a person’s posture and find out for yourself the mood of the interlocutor, his opinion about the subject of the conversation and his opinion about you. If gestures tell you more about a person’s state, his internal experiences, then posture is more likely to reveal impulses and desires.

• A head raised high, a chin thrust forward and hands clasped behind his back tell you that the person is completely confident in himself and you will not break him.
• If during a conversation your interlocutor stands up and leans his hands on the table, then he feels that your contact is not complete enough, there is a lack of honesty and trust.
• Crossed arms or legs show the interlocutor's inaccessibility, his closeness to you and the topic of conversation.
• If a person is sitting on the very edge of his chair, then he is ready to jump up from it at any moment, either in order to immediately leave, or in order to immediately get down to business - it depends on what you are talking about. Either way, it shows impatience.
• A pose with crossed legs and clasped fingers indicates disappointment and a desire to hide your negative attitude towards you or the subject of conversation.
• The interlocutor rests his elbows on the table, and places his hands under his chin or at the level of his mouth - he feels superior to you, but hides his true intentions, wanting to play with you a little.
• If the interlocutor rests his chin with his thumb, then everything said causes criticism from him, he completely disagrees with you.

The combination of postures, facial expressions, gestures and gaze can tell a lot about a person. This is an indispensable skill for those who have to constantly contact people as part of their professional activities. In fact, these are not all gestures, and their study is a whole science that is not so easy to master thoroughly. But even these basics will already provide you with invaluable help.

We are all individual. But this individuality extends far beyond our boundaries. As, indeed, beyond our borders. Every person has habits and characteristics that make him who he is. But, in addition, using these same habits, you can read it like a book, if you know what to pay attention to.

Psychologists are sure that people who barely noticeably or actively touch their interlocutor during a conversation really want to tell him something. What exactly? Find the eight most likely options in this material.

Showing interest

According to body language, touching can be a sign of physical attraction. However, the act of touching in itself is not necessarily a manifestation of sexual interest (so don’t be fooled). But often it does indicate that the person wants to get closer to the person he is touching.

Care

A person can also touch another person when he experiences sincere, non-sexual emotions towards the interlocutor. If you feel very comfortable talking to someone and are absolutely sure that you are having a conversation with a good person, you may touch him during the conversation without realizing what you are doing.

Request for help

One study cited by speeli.com found that a person who touches someone before asking for help is more likely to receive help than someone who doesn't. People who are aware of this unusual feature can sometimes use tactile contact to increase their chances of success.

Promotion

Many people, scientists say, touch others during a conversation to encourage someone to do something and/or to show that they are acting purely from good intentions. A trivial but very illustrative example: he may touch one of the visitors on the shoulder, meaning that he is doing a great job.

Improved communication

Despite the fact that there is still not much scientific data on this subject, some researchers believe that “touching tactics” can facilitate communication (if it has already taken place) or help establish contact (if this has not yet happened). An unconscious gesture means that the interlocutor is trying to make the dialogue smoother and more comfortable. Both for yourself and for the other.

Calm

People often touch others in conversation when they want them to. This is usually observed during verbal skirmishes or lively discussions, but can also happen in the most ordinary at first glance dialogue, which is actually full of internal tension.

To attract attention

Touch is the best way to attract attention when we are talking about a group of interlocutors. And there are no pitfalls or unconscious factors here. Only a sober calculation and a polite attempt to take the floor when you are not given it for one reason or another.

Emotional intimacy

We have already said that touching in a conversation can indicate a person’s physical attraction. But, in addition, this may be an attempt to create emotional closeness between the interlocutors. Psychologists say that this should be regarded as the fact that the person is as sincere as possible in his conversation with you. And at the same time - like the fact that you are not indifferent to him.

During a conversation, it is considered unacceptable to touch the interlocutor’s arm or shoulder, thus trying to attract his attention; look at your watch while talking; look to the side; talk without looking up; listen out of the corner of your ear; speak over a long distance, etc.

During a conversation, it is not customary to call a third person present during the conversation with the pronoun he (she); In this case, you need to call the person by name.

When, upon entering a room, you see two people talking, you should not interfere in their conversation. We must wait until they finish talking. In exceptional cases, it is allowed to break off a conversation after first apologizing and asking permission from these people.

During the conversation, you must be attentive to your interlocutor and not turn the dialogue into a monologue. It is important not only to be able to speak, but also to listen.

If several people participate in the conversation, then the topic of the conversation should be interesting and understandable to everyone. It is not nice to speak in hints that only some people understand.

Rules of good manners prohibit interrupting the speaker, especially if she is an elderly person. You should not correct the narrator or give him hints.

Do not abuse foreign words and special terms. They can only be used in conversation with those who understand them.

A good start to a conversation is a compliment. However, with some exceptions, compliments between men are not only not accepted, but are even considered indecent.

You should accept a compliment with pleasure. You should never reject them.

When wanting to give a compliment, you need to avoid expressions like: “You look great today!” The word “today” must be released, otherwise it will turn out that on all other days this person looks bad.

DISTANCE BETWEEN PEOPLE

American anthropologist E. Hall in the early 60s, based on an analysis of the norms of North American culture, identified four types of personal space, or spatial zones.

Intimate area. This zone separates people who are close enough, but who do not want to involve others in their affairs. Only those people who are in close emotional contact are allowed to enter this zone. These are children, parents, spouses, lovers, close friends and relatives. In this zone there is also a subzone with a radius of 15 cm, which can only be penetrated through physical contact. This is a super intimate zone.

Invading a person’s intimate area is considered indecent, especially if it is the personal space of an older person or a woman.

Personal, or personal, zone. This zone is defined as the distance that an individual intends to maintain between himself and all others in everyday communication situations.

Social zone. At this distance, a person prefers to stay away from strangers whom he does not know very well.

Public area. This zone is determined by the distance maintained when two or more people meet at public meetings, in a classroom, in an auditorium, when a person is addressing a large group of people.

Completely unclassified

Different peoples have different ideas about the optimal distances between interlocutors.

US residents usually conduct conversations while standing no closer than 60 cm from each other. A Latin American, in a conversation with a US resident, strives to get closer to his interlocutor, while a US resident may say that he is too persistent. And a Latin American will say that his interlocutor is an arrogant and arrogant person.

The official communication zone of Russians is usually determined by a distance equal to the length of two arms extended for a handshake, and the friendly zone is determined by the length of two arms bent at the elbow.

People perceive space differently. Thus, Americans are accustomed to working either in large rooms, or - if there are several rooms - only with open doors. Many skyscrapers in New York are built entirely of glass and can be seen through. This creates the feeling that “everyone is doing one common thing together.”

The Germans organize their workspace completely differently. Each room must be equipped with reliable (often double) doors. A wide open door symbolizes for them the extreme degree of disorder.

In communication between people, gaze serves as a means of establishing contact. Parapsychologists and psychics claim that up to 40 percent of a person’s external energy is transmitted through the eyes.

Psychologists have come to the conclusion that the frequency of direct glances at your interlocutor also depends on whether you consider him “higher” or “lower” than you, whether he is older than you, or whether he occupies a higher social position. A person who considers himself superior in status has a much greater number of direct, close glances at his partner.

The action of gaze in communication can also serve as a signal. Scientists' observations have shown that positive emotions are accompanied by an increase in gaze, while negative emotions (shame, distrust, disagreement) are characterized by a reluctance to look at the interlocutor.

English psychologists have experimentally proven that to build a good relationship with another person, you need to meet his gaze about 60-70 percent of the total time of communication. But if two people look at each other even more often during a conversation, then they are more interested in the interlocutor himself than in his information. An uptight person who meets the other person's gaze for less than a third of the time allotted for conversation is rarely trusted.

In contact between people, not only the length and frequency of gaze are important, but also where the gaze is directed. There are business, social and intimate views.

A partner is in a businesslike mood if his gaze covers the symbolic triangle on your face: forehead - pupil of the right eye - pupil of the left eye - forehead.

For social communication, for example at a reception, it is advisable to use the following eye movement: the gaze passes through the partner’s eye line and captures the mouth area. This look helps to establish and maintain easy contacts and friendly conversation.

The so-called intimate gaze passes through the eye line and goes down below the chin to other parts of the partner’s body. With this look, men and women signal their interest in a person.

By looking at you, you can determine the interlocutor’s attitude towards you:

narrowed gaze - close attention, observation;

side view - deceit, cunning;

tilting his head to the side, looking with narrowed eyes - remembering;

a lively look from the corners of the eyes - hidden observation;

direct gaze with the face completely turned to the partner - recognition of the interlocutor, interest in him;

sharp, increased and uneven blinking - with mental obstacles, nervousness.

Completely unclassified

Modern ethnographers believe that all civilizations can be divided into two groups depending on the direction of a person’s gaze when communicating with others. Some people look at the eyes of their interlocutor when speaking. These are Arabs, Latin Americans, Europeans. Among other peoples, it is considered impolite to look directly into the eyes, and therefore the gaze is directed to the side. If representatives of these two civilizations meet, then each understands the view in its own way. The gaze of Russians directed directly into the eyes is perceived by many Eastern peoples as impoliteness, insolence, and the gaze of these peoples to the side is perceived by Russians as shyness or unwillingness to be sincere.

In America, a man who looks into the eyes of another man will be considered a homosexual, and a woman - a lesbian.

According to Allan Pease, in the process of human interaction, only 20-40 percent of information is transmitted through speech, that is, communication is largely carried out through gestures and facial expressions.

The origins of one’s behavior must be sought in antiquity - then two types of behavior were clearly visible in Rus'. On the one hand, there is a demeanor like kings - restrained plasticity, solemn poses and half-erased facial expressions. On the other hand, demonic laughter, twitching, antics, foul language, etc. These classic types of behavior are still alive today.

There is a stereotype of a successful business person, and every gesture can be worth a lot.

Hand position. Your interlocutor extends his hands to you with palms up or unbuttons his jacket - he intends to talk openly with you. When they feel guilty, they usually hide their hands either behind their backs or, worse, in their pockets.

Suspicion and secrecy are expressed differently - either the interlocutor rubs his forehead, temples, chin, or tries to cover his face with his hands. But most importantly, he tries not to look at you, looking away in the other direction. Hands crossed on the chest are a signal of defense or a negative attitude towards you.

If your conversation takes place in a friendly, non-conflict atmosphere, you can not pay any attention to this gesture. Perhaps your partner expresses calm and confidence with his posture. It’s worse if the interlocutor starts clenching his crossed hands into a fist, he is ready to “fight” with you. Slow down your speech and movements. If it doesn't help, change the topic of conversation.

The interlocutor clasps his shoulders with crossed arms - he completely disagrees with your point of view and is ready to discuss, but for now he is trying to restrain himself. If he still smiles slyly with narrowed eyes, expect an “explosion.”

Be on your guard if your interlocutor, with his arms crossed on his chest, puts his thumbs out perpendicularly, playing with them and even swaying on his heels. He wants to show his superiority over you, as well as his disrespectful attitude towards you.

When talking, your hand is on your cheek - your interlocutor is interested in something. He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, which means he is deeply concentrated and thinking hard. He scratches his chin, squinting his eyes, thinking about making a decision. The chin rests on the palm, and the index finger extends along the cheek (the other fingers are lower) - he critically evaluates your arguments. The index finger of your right hand suddenly began to scratch under your earlobe or the side of your neck - your opponent probably doubts something or is not sure of your words.

Touching your nose and rubbing it lightly is also a sign of doubt. The interlocutor is offended if he raises his shoulders and lowers his head. Sometimes he begins to draw some kind of abstraction on a sheet of paper. It is better to switch the conversation to another topic, and when the partner calms down, find out what is the reason for his complaints.

Your interlocutor lowers his eyelids during a conversation - you have become uninteresting to him. Scratching his ear - he wants to isolate himself from the words he hears. He pulls his earlobe - stop talking, he wants to say something himself.

The interlocutor is clearly in a hurry to end the conversation if he moves or turns towards the door. He can also demonstratively take off his glasses and put them aside. Try to interest your interlocutor in something if you want to continue the conversation with him.

Glasses are usually associated with gestures indicating a desire to stall for time. The interlocutor makes, for example, the following gestures: sucking on the temples of his glasses, constantly taking off and putting on his glasses, and also wiping the lenses. It's best not to rush him. If a partner puts his glasses back on, it means he wants to “take another look” at the facts.

Walking around the room, the interlocutors are trying to “play for time” to resolve a complex problem. This is a very positive gesture. But you shouldn’t talk to someone who’s pacing. This may disrupt his train of thought.

By placing his hands behind his back, grabbing his wrist or behind his head, the interlocutor wants to show his superiority.

Hands clasped behind the back are evidence that the person is upset and trying to pull himself together. The more angry he gets, the higher his hand moves on his back.

The spire-like position of the hands demonstrates complacency and arrogance.

If you want to find out the reason why the interlocutor behaves with a sense of superiority, you need to lean forward with outstretched palms and say: “I see that you know this. Could you clarify some details?” Then you need to lean back in your chair, leave your palms in sight and wait for an answer. But you can force such an arrogant interlocutor to change his position. To do this, you need to take some object and, placing it at a large distance from it, ask: “Did you see that?”, forcing him to lean forward.

Copying the gesture of your interlocutor is a good technique when you want to show that you agree with your interlocutor. However, you should not put your hands behind your head, so as not to anger your partner.

Picking up non-existent lint from a suit is one of the gestures of disapproval.

Gestures of smokers. A person exhales smoke upward almost constantly if he is positive and confident. And vice versa, almost always the stream of smoke goes down when a person is in a negative mood. Exhaling a stream of smoke down from the corners of the mouth indicates an even more negative underlying attitude.

The faster the stream exhales upward, the more confident and arrogant a person feels.

Exhaling smoke through the nostrils characterizes an arrogant, confident person. If a person's head is tilted down when he exhales smoke through his nose, it means he is angry.

Lip position Lips stretched into a smile are an indicator of joy and friendliness. Tightly compressed lips indicate isolation, curved lips indicate doubt or sarcasm. Drooping corners of the mouth indicate that a person is upset.

Gestures of lies. If during a conversation the interlocutor’s hands come close to his face, this should alert him: he doubts, is unsure, and is overcome by gloomy forebodings.

When a person lies, he tries to cover his mouth, eyes and ears with his hands. When the hand covers the mouth, the thumb is pressed to the cheek. If at such a moment the interlocutor speaks, then he is most likely lying. If he covers his mouth with his hand when you speak, he feels that you are lying.

When the hand touches the nose - a disguised version of the previous gesture.

Rubbing his eyelids, the interlocutor wants to hide from deception or suspicion.

If you sense that your interlocutor is lying, you can ask him to repeat or clarify what he said. This will make the cheater refuse to continue the game.

Completely unclassified

In Holland, a rotating index finger at the temple means that someone has said a very witty phrase. When talking about himself, a European points to his chest, and a Japanese points to his nose.

Residents of Malta, instead of saying “no,” lightly touch their chin with their fingertips, turning the hand forward.

In France and Italy, this gesture means that something hurts.

In Greece and Turkey, you should never show two fingers to a waiter - this is a cruel insult.

A ring of thumb and index finger means to Americans and representatives of many other nations that things are “okay.” But the same gesture in France means zero, in Greece and Sardinia it serves as a go-ahead sign, and in Malta it characterizes #1 , a person with perverted (sexual instincts.

When a Frenchman is delighted with something, he connects the tips of three fingers, brings them to his lips and, raising his chin high, sends a gentle kiss into the air. If he rubs the base of his nose with his index finger, he warns: “Careful.”

Tapping the nose with your index finger means for the Italians - beware, there is danger ahead, for the Dutch - I'm drunk or you're drunk, for the British - conspiracy and secrecy.

For Americans and Italians, a finger moving from side to side can mean slight condemnation, a threat, or a call to listen to what is said. In Holland, this gesture means refusal.

It is generally dangerous to touch your earlobe. This gesture has five meanings. Four of them are offensive. For Spaniards, Greeks, Maltese and Italians, a hand near the earlobe means completely different insults. Only the Portuguese want to show with such a gesture that they did not hear what was said.

SMILE AND LAUGHTER

Professional success increasingly directly depends on the positive radiation of the individual. Professor Overstreet observes: "If we are interested in our listeners, then there is reason to believe that they will also be interested in us. If we glare at our listeners, then there is every reason to assume that they will also glare at us or become angry without showing it's external."

An aspiring advertising agent in the United States is instructed with these words: those who want to succeed must have a positive outlook. You yourself should enjoy smiling at people. Then it's not difficult at all.

At the highest levels of the career ladder, a person who cannot hide his tendency to depression and does not show an outward appearance of optimism, efficiency and confidence in the future will certainly become an outcast, and those around him will chalk up all possible failures to his account. The team will not forgive even if they find out about the boss’s personal troubles - divorce, loneliness, alcoholism. The decline of his career is a foregone conclusion.

Only those who successfully cope with their own problems can exist normally in a modern “OK” society. Those who are “difficult” in communication, slow, inaccessible to the understanding of others or arrogant, have almost no chance to move up or are rejected by colleagues.

It has been noticed that it seems unbecoming for bosses to laugh, and those in power should be able not to respond to the laughter of a subordinate. Similar conventions of behavior between managers and subordinates are true in relations between men and women. In 93 cases out of a hundred, a woman responds to the laughter of her interlocutor, men do this only in 67 cases. Women laugh more often than men, but scientists view their willingness to laugh simply as a gesture of humility and a tendency toward peaceful action.

Therefore, psychologists give this advice: if a man wants to please a woman, he should under no circumstances laugh when meeting her. Serious men are more attractive to women.

For the same reason, someone who laughs gives the impression of a person who wants to serve, less independent, and therefore more feminine than masculine.

Here is some advice for those who know that they have a tendency towards unseemly and evil acts. If you want to hide something in yourself, you shouldn’t laugh.

If your soul is bad, your smile will look pained. If you feel good, then your smile will be joyful.

Let us recall one more feature of laughter - preventive and even therapeutic.

Once you laugh enough, your pulse quickens to 120 beats per minute. A smile gives rest to the muscles of the face: to make a gloomy grimace, you need to tense 43 muscles, but to smile - only 17. In turn, this leads to cooling of the blood in the vessels of the brain.

According to Stern magazine, a hospital in Birmingham is using laughter therapy to rehabilitate rape victims. The method of “laughter meditation” is used by dermatologist Jan Sutorius in Amsterdam. Since a friendly attitude towards one’s defects relaxes the body, it is through relaxation that it is treated. One doctor has scientifically proven the healing effects of cartoons and comedies for depression.

You need to laugh despite the circumstances. In medical practice, there are cases where it was possible to overcome diseases, even incurable ones, by making the patient laugh, for example, when watching comedy films. It is not for nothing that in the practice of yoga there is an exercise to overcome a bad mood: you need to sit in front of a mirror and force yourself to smile through an effort of will.

Completely unclassified

It is known that in the countries of Western Europe and America the smile is more formal than, for example, in Russia.

For an Englishman, a smile is primarily a sign of politeness, but this does not mean at all that he enjoys the meeting. It is also natural for an American to greet another stranger, including a woman, with a smile, which often leads to misunderstandings in other countries, especially Arab ones.

PHYSIOGNOMIC FEATURES

Based on certain facial features, they try to predict a person’s character and even his fate. By the wrinkles of the forehead, for example, you can determine who you are dealing with (it has been noticed that murderers are distinguished by a lattice of wrinkles on the forehead - the mark of Cain).

Face shape. An oblong face, the so-called rectangle (the width of the forehead is approximately equal to the width of the chin) is an aristocratic type of face, indicating intelligence, sensitivity, poise, and often prudence. Such people have organizational talent and are characterized by a pronounced sense of purpose.

Triangular face (high and wide forehead, prominent cheekbones, small but bony nose, deep-set eyes, small and slightly forward chin). The owner of such a face is characterized by high talent and sensuality. At the same time, the character of such a person is characterized by cunning, quarrelsomeness, and a tendency toward loneliness.

Trapezoidal face (wide forehead and slightly narrowed, but not slanted chin). The person is usually intelligent, aristocratic and sensitive, but not a fighter. Women with this face are optimistic, live happily, creating a pleasant atmosphere of communication.

Square face (a stern, masculine type of person; usually slow-witted, often rude, persistent). His striking feature is determination. Such people are straightforward and frank in communication, they have an indefatigable thirst for success. Good performers, although they themselves persistently strive for leadership. Women with such a face strive to dominate in everything.

A round face radiates good nature, peacefulness, and gentleness in a person’s character. Such people are often humane, love comfort, good company and do not strive for fame. However, ambition is not alien to them. If such a person has a high bridge of the nose, prominent cheekbones and sparkling eyes, the person is considered purposeful.

And now more specifically about the characteristics of different parts of the body.

Ear shape. If the upper part of the ear is at eye level, this means that the interlocutor has a lively mind and good intuition.

The upper part of the ear is at the level of the eyebrows for those who do not like to deny themselves pleasures and those who are slow.

Is one ear higher than the other? It's hard to argue with such a person. There is more passion than logic in his reasoning.

Protruding ears betray sensitive people - they act first and reason later.

Ears that are too close to the head are found in conscientious people. Such people perform any work, striving for perfection.

Small ears indicate a shallow mind. Ears “like a faun’s”, the axis of which is directed backwards, indicate an impulsive, emotional, excitable character.

The width of the ear is less than its height in people with weak character and vice versa.

There is no curl on the ear - the character is lively, but not prone to concentration.

The protrusion at the top of the ear is common among fans of jokes with “pepper”.

A gracefully rounded earlobe indicates a sensitive, receptive character. A lobe connected at right angles to the cheek distinguishes positive people.

Forehead shape. A relatively high, convex forehead is evidence of the ability to assimilate and remember well with a low ability to abstract. A receptive but uncritical mind.

The absence of a hollow between the eyebrows indicates a passive character and inability to concentrate on something, as well as an inability to overcome life's difficulties.

A wide and high forehead, devoid of depressions and bulges, is a sign of a lack of mental discipline and the ability to think deeply.

A smooth, sloping forehead, contrary to popular belief, can be a person with an active, practical mind.

Sunken temples indicate high mental activity and good observation.

A forehead widening upward indicates talent and a complete inability to understand the surrounding life.

A forehead that is wide at the bottom and narrow at the top is a sign of mental curiosity.

A protrusion in the lower part of the forehead and well-defined brow ridges indicate an active character, an intuitive mind.

Nose shape. Snub nose - people with a gentle character. These people are shy and prone to compromise. They try not to participate in disputes.

A Roman nose characterizes an arrogant but conservative person. Although such people are very sensitive. They approach things quite creatively.

An aquiline nose is a clear sign of inconstancy, stinginess and vindictiveness.

People have a snout nose, similar to mayfly butterflies. They are smiling and carefree, sweet and indifferent.

A thin, pointed nose is a sign of vulnerability and suspiciousness. It is very easy to offend such people.

A fleshy nose characterizes people with “golden hands.” They are lucky and can make a brilliant career in any field.

An upturned nose is a trait of intelligent and life-loving people. They have good taste, but are very hot-tempered and sometimes very vindictive.

Lip shape. Heart-shaped lips mean that people are very active, capable of immediately solving both work and family matters. These people are prone to coquetry and jokes, and are easily carried away. Having won the trust of such a person, you can rely on him in everything.

Inverted lips are seen in people who are not particularly imaginative. Such people are largely conservative and give in to difficulties.

A protruding lower lip occurs in egoists who are convinced of their own superiority over others.

Foot shape. Even by the shape of the feet you can “get the hang of” a person. If the heel is not clearly expressed, the foot is smooth, without a large notch in the middle (a pronounced sign of flat feet), then this is an ambitious person, but constantly doubting himself. He is not averse to giving orders, but he is unlikely to want to take responsibility. These people are characterized by contemplation and intuition. Such heels adorn many politicians and military designers.

A clear, raised, rounded heel speaks of a sensitive nature that loves everything beautiful. These people are always looking for perfection. They gladly accept sacrifices from others, but are in no hurry to part with even a trifle for the sake of someone.

A high instep indicates a proud person (the owner of such a foot, for example, Clint Eastwood). This is an intractable person who aspires to leadership in any team. High rise as a guarantee of high intelligence, tenacious memory, but lack of initiative.

Low rise in a person who is accommodating and sociable. He gladly accepts help and listens to advice.

Wide feet belong to people with earthly needs, a sober approach to life, and ready to make reasonable compromises. Often people with wide feet abuse alcohol and are very lustful.

A narrow foot is a sign of a creative, fatal nature with a complex and contradictory character. As a rule, its owners are monogamous, possessive and very jealous.

Long, straight toes with regular oval nails characterize a balanced and dignified personality in all respects.

Short, splayed fingers indicate an obstinate, quarrelsome and scandalous streak (the owner of such fingers is Sharon Stone).

Fingers “in two tiers” threaten with numerous vices and inconstancy. The second finger is longer than the thumb in men - flexibility and softness, and in women - independence and sexual activity.

A developed little finger suggests a strong and obstinate character, while a small and “non-working” one speaks of many unrealized possibilities - such is the little finger of Queen Elizabeth II of England.

Each of us, regardless of gender, age and education, sooner or later has problems finding words. You are just communicating, and then, at the most necessary moment, you forget the word you wanted to say. It’s on the tip of your tongue, and just a second ago you still knew it, and now you’re trying to remember and avoid pauses in the conversation. Any pause slows down the dynamics of the conversation and forces the interlocutor. This happens to everyone, and the problem only gets worse with age. If this happens to you regularly and several times a day, then it is better to consult a doctor - perhaps it is ordinary sclerosis. In any case, in order not to feel like a battle MC who has forgotten the text, use these methods.

Keep talking!

You don't have to pause to find your words, it doesn't work. Any pause, any stop only confuses and makes the interlocutor feel as awkward as possible. So think about alternative words that will help describe what you want to express and say. At the same time, continue talking about something else. Don't worry if you couldn't be concise. By continuing to talk, you give yourself time to add that word, if it comes to mind, into the conversation later. But at the same time, you maintain the rhythm of the conversation, connection with the interlocutor and his interest. Another question is how to do this? Is it even possible to think one thing and say another? The air smelled of superintelligence.

Substitute a synonym

Everything is much simpler. Let's imagine a conversation about classic films. Let's say you want to say, "I think Marlon Brando was the greatest actor of his time," but when you get to the word "great," problems arise. It's too strong a word. Moreover, it is not a fact that the interlocutor shares this point of view. But you have a word in your head that doesn’t fit very well, but you know its first sound and first letter. Try to dig into the synonyms directory (the one in your head) and find a synonym there that begins with the same letter or sound.

For example, it is logical to use the word “outstanding”; its meaning fits perfectly into the context. Plus, by selecting a word by letter, you activate neural pathways that can lead you to the desired word, even if it starts with a completely different letter. If nothing comes to mind at all, then insert any synonym. It doesn’t matter whether the word is “good” or “brilliant.” The main thing is that it conveys the meaning of what was said.

Don't relax, be tense

A feeling of internal tension forces you to search for this damned word until a click is heard in your head, and - voila! - this elusive ideal word breaks out from the depths of the subconscious. Moreover, the less you expect it, the higher the likelihood that you will remember it. The word search process works best when you don't guide it. However, if the search engine is unable to find the word even after some time, feel free to give it a map and direction in the form of the hints listed above.

Note for the future

Once that unfortunate word has surfaced, it's time to repackage it in your own brain so that you can easily access it next time. This two-step process can help, first, to deliberately differentiate it from similar-sounding words; and secondly, add a visual image to this word so that it can be easily identified in the future. Of course, you don’t need to take a pencil; the whole process takes place in your head. Then repeat this word several times a day to strengthen all the connections in your brain. These connections will help in the future to fish him out of the palaces of the mind without any problems. Purposefully use this word as often as possible in the next few days. Although, this behavior infuriates many, because no one likes people who boast of some sophisticated word and insert it with or without reason. This usually happens with archaisms, fashionable neologisms or speech patterns that have found a response in culture. Sink about it. So use the word only in appropriate cases. But it’s not worth using pretentious words all the time and focusing on their pretentiousness, and replacing them with other, not pretentious words, even if they do not fit the meaning. Well, you understand, right?

Healthy brains and no problems

Now we need to make sure that in the future problems with word selection will not arise so often. To do this, you need to take control, choose a healthy diet, and also maintain psychological activity and brain health. When the brain is healthy, alert and fresh, then problems with finding words do not arise. Psychological health is impossible, so 7-8 hours in the kingdom of Morpheus should become the rule. When we sleep, our brain begins to function like a sluggish switchboard.

In any case, a healthy brain is a long-term investment that always brings benefits to the owner. So it's never too late to start.