Emotional addiction: how to break the connection? Emotional dependence on a man Quickly get rid of emotional dependence.

03.08.202127.05.2017

A person is an absolutely social being who cannot live without various social contacts and attachments. It is not for nothing that many philosophers of the world noted that happiness is by no means in money, but in the people who surround us. Our sense of self directly depends on the quality of relationships with friends and relatives. But sometimes a “skew” begins in this area, and an emotional attachment is formed. It makes you forget about your own interests and completely "dissolve" in another. You can read more about this addiction and how you can fight it in this article.

What is emotional addiction

There are many things in a person's life that are good, but taken to extremes can be very harmful. This includes emotional attachment. Initially, this mechanism helps us to survive from birth. The first bond is formed between the infant and his mother. The body of an adult and a child adjusts to each other, as a result of which the mother can understand the desires of the child and satisfy his needs. Up to 2-3 years, mother and child are in merger, and the baby does not perceive himself as a separate person. It is a survival mechanism that allows a defenseless child to grow up in a dangerous world. But after 2-3 years, separation processes begin, and every year the child becomes more and more a separate person. However, due to a number of reasons, this process can be disrupted.

If in the first year of a child's life a warm and strong bond was formed between him and his parent, then in his later life, most likely, he will be accompanied by a warm and trusting relationship. But if at this age something went wrong, the child was separated from the mother, or the connection was not fully formed, then the baby will have unconscious models and experiences that will affect all relationships in later life.

Emotional attachment affects the mental structure and determines its stability or instability. If an external or internal threat appears in the life of an adult, this model is activated. It also happens that an adult does not completely separate from his parents, but simply transfers emotional attachment to his partner or friend. In this case, infantilism only harms, preventing a person from leading his full and autonomous life.

signs

Emotional dependence on a person is quite difficult to recognize in the initial stages. And when a person no longer thinks of himself without another, it seems to him that everything is in order. In this way, psychological defenses work, which protect the nervous system from unnecessary stress. Therefore, it is doubly important to know the signs of the disease, which will help to establish the dependence of the person himself.

You constantly lack attention and communication with a specific person. Even if you spend a lot of time together, when you part, you are sad and think about him all the time.
You begin to attribute your feelings and desires to the other. In conversation, this is usually expressed as "we want", "we will go", etc. This is a clear sign of merging with another person.
All your interests begin to revolve around your loved one or partner. Even at meetings with other people, you always discuss his actions, character, words, etc.
Ownership and unreasonable jealousy are a sure sign of emotional dependence on another. After all, others seem to want to take away your time that you could spend together. That is why wives often forbid their husbands to see their friends and gradually limit their social circle.
Idealization of a partner and refusal to notice obvious shortcomings (for example, alcoholism or squandering).
Complete dependence on the opinion of another person. Many emotionally dependent people can radically change their image to suit the standards of another person. In dependent relationships between children and parents, this usually appears as a need to follow all advice and directions, seeking to present oneself in the best light at the expense of one's own needs.
Planning long-term and short-term goals is not carried out without the participation of the second. At the same time, any change or refusal to fulfill the plan is perceived as an attempt to break the existing emotional connection.
Your relationships become a burden, but you can't imagine yourself without them. Because of the pathological nature of addictive relationships, people simply cannot feel happy in them. Usually, short periods of joy are replaced by long quarrels and squabbles, during which the dependent person feels fear and helplessness.
In the extreme stages of addiction, nothing can bring a person happiness or joy. Only communication with loved ones can dispel the clouds above your head. This is a sure sign that drastic measures need to be taken.

Causes

Emotional attachment is formed in the first year of a baby's life. During this period, the child has an idea of how everything works in the world. Is he safe? Is he loved in this world? Are their desires and needs met? It is this period that has a huge impact on the whole future life of a person. If the need for love and affection has not been properly satisfied, then a person will seek love and affection all his life, care not in himself, but in other people. He will project onto other people the role of the "ideal parent" who should care for and patronize them. People with emotional dependency seek unconditional acceptance and dissolution from him, similar to that experienced by the beloved children of their parents. They are accepted with all the shortcomings and whims and continue to love. However, unlike children, such traits in adults no longer cause emotion, and no one seeks to take responsibility for the well-being and complete satisfaction of all the desires of another, even a loved one.

There are periods in a person's life when emotional dependence becomes the norm and does not require treatment. In addition to childhood, there is another - the so-called period of "candy-bouquet" relationships, in which lovers sometimes cannot tear themselves away from each other. At this time, the body produces happiness hormones - dopamine and endorphin, which close on another person and make you look for meetings with him again and again. But this is considered normal only under a few conditions:

Your feelings are mutual.
The second person is looking for meetings no less than you.

After several months of relationship, passions, as a rule, subside and partners are again interested not only in each other, but also in the world around them. If this period is prolonged, then all other interests gradually fade, the person has only one interest left - his beloved, and emotional dependence is gradually formed. As a rule, it is no longer possible to fight your addiction on your own in the last stages of addiction, so it is better to stop addictions of any kind in the initial stages. The following factors can be the causes of emotional dependence:

Early death of parents or guardians.
Difficult childhood.
A traumatic event that occurred in childhood (violence, death).
Low self-esteem.
Infantilism.
Inexperience.

Kinds

Before you begin to fight addiction, you need to decide what type of addiction you are prone to. The emotional characteristics of addiction may differ depending on the object of attachment.

Attraction to gambling.
Emotional dependence on parents.
Religious addiction.
Sexual addiction.
Dependence on the opinions of strangers.
Dependence on coaches, heads of chiefs - that is, people who have more experience in some area.
Emotional dependence on a husband or wife.

All of the above types of addiction are united by the desire to transfer responsibility for oneself to another person or group of people and to feel safe due to the care and protection of another, often to the detriment of other areas of one's life.

Dealing with addiction on our own

How to get rid of emotional dependency in a relationship?

The human psyche is a surprisingly complex mechanism that has been forming for many thousands of years. Its main task is to ensure our survival and avoid possible stress. It is arranged very simply - the body encourages what brings us pleasure, and makes us avoid what is ready to harm us. The problem is that addiction harms us, but a protective mechanism is triggered and as a result a person experiences more pleasure, the more he dissolves in another. The very first and most important step in the fight against any addiction is the recognition of the addiction itself. And here many people are unable to face reality. Most believe that they simply love a person too much, and this is not a harm, but a blessing. Stereotypes that have developed in society encourage this idea of love relationships. How to get rid of emotional dependence on a person?

Make a firm decision to take back your life. Only by fully taking responsibility for your emotional and physical state on yourself, you will be able to develop further as a person. While you are in merging with another, he decides for you what aspects of life are interesting for you and what you should do better. An autonomous life is much more difficult, but also more productive, and most importantly, that you have freedom and independence.
Ask yourself the question: do you want to try to save the existing relationship or will it be easier for you to finally break it off? Your next steps will depend on this.
If you can't get past the first step, then just imagine your life in 5, 10, 15 years if you leave everything as it is. Often this is enough to stop relying on the other person.
Getting rid of emotional dependence is impossible without support. It can be not only your relatives and friends, but also interests and hobbies, work, hobbies. Perhaps, for the period of getting rid of addiction, you will find yourself merging with another person - it is better not to allow this and limit yourself to the friendly support that others are ready to provide you.
Write down for yourself the prospects for liberation from addiction. Imagine how free and independent you will become.

Dependence on other people is unpleasant primarily due to the fact that your well-being and mood do not depend on yourself, but on another person. If a dependent participant in a relationship does not receive enough attention from the object of his dependence, life literally loses its meaning for him. This is a pathological condition that needs to be eliminated as soon as possible. If you are just at the beginning of your journey, following a few simple steps can help you. What do experts recommend?

Don't pass on to other people what you can do yourself. Some tasks are frustrating and difficult to do on your own. But this is the only way to raise self-esteem and become a completely independent person.
Don't do their work for others. One of the steps to fighting addiction is setting clear boundaries. If you are approached with a request to perform some task that is not in your competence, say a firm “no”.
The ability to reflect and analyze one's behavior is an important part of psychotherapy. From time to time stop and ask yourself: “Why did I do this?”, “How did I feel?”. Over time, you will learn to understand the hidden motives of your actions and satisfy your needs in a natural way.
Do not get carried away by guilt and do not despise yourself. During addiction, a person can make mistakes, for which he will later be ashamed. Treat yourself with understanding - after all, most likely, in those situations you simply could not do otherwise.
Try to raise your self-esteem. This is well helped by success in work or in the creative field.
Accept that most of the things that happen are beyond your control. Many things in our world are unfair and do not obey the laws of logic. You can only influence yourself, but not other people or certain events.

Who to contact for help

As with other addictions, it is not always possible to cope with a strong emotional attachment on your own. In this case, it is better to contact a professional. Psychologists and psychotherapists usually work with non-chemical addictions. The mechanism of dependence in most cases is the same. Very often, people who get rid of one addiction switch to another. Therefore, the principle of working with all pathological attachments is based on the same principles. How to get rid of emotional dependence on a woman or a man? It is necessary to find out why the addiction was formed. At sessions with a psychotherapist, the specialist works out in detail situations from childhood and later life that could contribute to the development of emotional dependence.

To combat addiction in different situations, psychologists recommend different things: in some cases, it is better to quickly break off relations with the object of addiction, especially if the situation threatens the life or health of the patient. Other times, it's easier to stay in a dependent relationship, but slowly start building a platform for a new life. The main work, as usual, is carried out not in consultations with a specialist, but in ordinary life. An addicted person will have to rebuild his entire life and form an independent “I” in order to get rid of addiction. What is usually included in a standard addiction recovery plan?

Admitting you are addicted.
Reassessment of the qualities of one's own personality.
Finding and understanding your "weak" places in which you need the help of another person.
Find activities that you can enjoy.
Reconsider and rebuild your life so that it does not revolve only around the other person.
Work through feelings and situations from childhood that hurt you.

Dealing with addiction usually takes a lot of time. In most cases, it takes about a year to put a person on his feet. Sessions are scheduled once or twice a week.

Psychological treatments

Most often, getting rid of addiction on your own is given with great difficulty. How to overcome emotional dependence if you do not have the opportunity to contact a specialist? You can try a number of psychological techniques that are used in the offices of psychotherapists. The most famous of these is the "Burning Ties" technique. In order to get rid of emotional addiction faster, sit back and close your eyes. You should have free 15-30 minutes during which no one will disturb you. Imagine in your mind the person with whom you have a dependent relationship. Then imagine strings stretching from your body to his. Observe this picture for a while from the side, and then say goodbye to him and burn the threads. Sit quietly with your eyes closed for a while, meditating. Afterwards, it is best to have a soothing drink and take a shower or a hot bath. Using this technique several times a week, you can quickly get rid of addiction.

You can get rid of emotional dependence on a man in another way. Write all your emotions on a piece of paper. Try to express as fully as possible all your claims, pain, fear and love. Do not try to express these emotions to a partner or loved one. It would be much better to write such a letter “on the table”, and later burn or destroy it. What points should be covered in it?

Guilt.
Anger and resentment.
Positive emotions: gratitude, affection.
Sadness and regrets.
Fear and disappointment.

Medications

Since emotional dependence is not chemical, it is usually treated with sedative antidepressants, which are also prescribed for other mental and nervous system problems.

Results

Emotional dependence in a relationship is a pathological attachment to a partner, friend or loved one. Closing in on another person, the addict stops living his life. How to get rid of emotional dependency in a relationship? A course of personal psychotherapy and the help of loved ones will help you get rid of addiction and start enjoying life again.

Emotional dependence is a state of mind in which a person cannot fully rely on himself. Women especially suffer from it. This is because they are more likely to experience any negative feelings. The fair sex is more susceptible to any shocks. Some of them are easy enough to offend if you are not so careful in your statements. The phenomenon of this form of addiction is currently being actively studied by specialists in the field of psychology. Here, first of all, instability in feelings is observed. How does emotional dependence on a man manifest itself and how to get rid of it? Let's consider this question in more detail.

Manifestations of emotional dependence

What signs can be used to determine that a woman has an emotional dependence on a man? Are there any specific features? You should pay attention to the following manifestations.

Inability to make a decision on your own

Such a person relies on the opinion of a partner in everything. Even if it is necessary to solve some trifling question, immediately there is an appeal for advice. Girls, as a rule, are constantly looking for support from their boyfriend, consulting with him literally for any reason. This is because they are extremely unsure of their capabilities, so they need additional confirmation. From the outside it may seem that they do not have their own judgment. There is a complete immersion in the feelings and experiences of the partner, while their desires are often hushed up. Of course, such behavior can in no way be beneficial to the relationship itself. One of the partners constantly feels responsible for the happiness of the other and therefore cannot realize his own interests.

Self-doubt

Another characteristic manifestation of emotional dependence on a man is a strong lack of self-confidence. It appears due to the fact that the girl constantly scrolls disturbing thoughts in her head. Many are haunted by obsessive fears that a partner will ever give them up or exchange them for another. Such behavior significantly darkens life and spoils interpersonal relationships. As a result of constant suspicions, trust is lost, the ability to look with optimism at some familiar things is lost. Self-doubt often leads to dependence on a partner. The woman begins to feel that she herself is nothing. Of course, this is a false belief. A person simply stops working on himself, and completely relies on the feelings of a partner.

Feeling overwhelmed

It is a sign of pronounced emotional dependence on a man. The feeling of depression arises if the girl has never made attempts to understand her own individuality. In the case of the formation of dependent behavior, a sense of inferiority often haunts a person when serious decisions are required. Such a woman is afraid to act on her own, because she avoids being deceived.

How to get rid

Emotional dependence on a man must be fought. To do this, you need to take concrete steps to strengthen your own self-confidence.

Development of independence

This is the first and most important step in getting rid of any form of addiction. An independent person relies on himself when making decisions. Turning to the source of your own infinite essence, you can come to very unexpected and impressive results. First of all, it is worth determining your immediate goals and dreams. They will tell you the direction in which you have to move. The development of independence begins with the desire to be useful to oneself. After all, if you constantly neglect your own interests, then there will simply be no opportunities for self-realization at some point. It is necessary to begin not only to take care of your needs, but also to learn something new.

Working with self-esteem

Thinking about how to get rid of addiction, one should not lose sight of the issue of adequately evaluating one's own prospects. Low self-esteem often prevents people from achieving certain results, even if they really want to. In the case of dependence on her boyfriend, the girl experiences a subjective sense of her own inferiority. Such inconsistency interferes with an adequate perception of reality. The state of emotional dependence often blocks any good undertakings in a person. Working with self-esteem is about learning to look at your own person with great interest. A woman must be satisfied with her own appearance and achievements. To do this, you need to try to find your own style, start moving in a specific direction that would bring happiness and moral satisfaction.

own income

Relationships in which there is dependence cannot be called fully successful. Indeed, in this case, a person ceases to trust himself. He simply does not know how to do the right thing, being in a given situation. When a woman has her own income, she begins to feel much more confident. It would no longer occur to her to be shy if she misunderstands something. As a rule, such women are distinguished by sufficient self-confidence and determination. They quickly make decisions, completely without looking back at the opinions of others. This behavior protects them from additional disappointments and anxieties.

Thus, it becomes obvious that one should not allow the state of one's own uselessness. It is necessary to work thoughtfully on oneself, to strive to constantly develop, and not stand still. In this case, we can talk about the formation of true independence.

You,
Now I know you are in the world.
And every minute
I breathe you, I live you
And in a dream and in reality ...

L. Derbenev

It happens that you love a person, you breathe him, but for some reason the relationship does not add up. You don’t know how to tell him about your feelings, how to avoid mistakes, you are afraid to look ridiculous in his eyes, you can’t overcome self-doubt, timidity, shyness. What if he has another? In any case, you are not together. And the further you go, the more you realize that you are a prisoner of your feelings - the painful one occupies all your thoughts.

You love everything about it! The way he speaks, the way he smiles, the way he moves. I even like to just sit next to him and look at his back. But why, after several years of acquaintance, nothing happened between you?

When he is near, you feel good, and you cherish a timid hope for your common future. You are in high spirits, you smile, you want to look good. But then, when you are left alone, it becomes sad, depressing. It seems that all your efforts are in vain. And you still cannot forget him and imagine your future with another.

Emotional addiction: I need you like air

It seems that all your happiness is concentrated in this person. You like to dream about how you will be together. You can't imagine life without him at all. As if, if he is not around, you will find yourself like an astronaut who went into outer space in a spacesuit: suddenly the spacesuit broke, and all the air went out in an instant, and the astronaut was left to suffocate in a complete vacuum. As if, if he was not there, your whole life would become meaningless. No, it's better not to think about it.

You are so afraid of losing him that you do not notice that you have long lost yourself. You walk as if you are in the water and you can not rejoice at anything. Why? Because he is not around. And this is not life, but continuous flour. And this state is already more like an emotional dependence than a happy love.

How to get rid of emotional dependence? How to avoid new pain, return the joy of life and meet true love? The answers to these questions will help to find the training System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.

Range from emotional dependency to love

The problem of emotional dependence does not arise for everyone. People with a special psyche suffer from it - over-emotional people with. Their range of feelings ranges from fear to empathy, from emotional dependency to unconditional love. It is they who are able to experience and live the strongest feelings! To embody in a pair relationship that Great Love, sung in songs and poems, that they dream of. After all, any person with a visual vector dreams of love.

Emotional dependence. Where Dreams Lead

But sometimes dreams remain just dreams for a long time. After all, happy relationships do not suddenly fall on us like manna from heaven, they must be built. And this requires some effort from both the woman and the man. You can’t be forced to be nice, and sometimes people really don’t fit together. But in the vast majority of cases, whether a pair relationship develops or not, it depends only on us. And dreams of a handsome prince and unreasonably high expectations for a partner can cause a woman to remain alone for a long time.

The reason for the emotional dependence on a man is that a woman is always focused on herself and her own emotions - on what she feels, often on her fears. “I'm afraid of losing him,” is how women with emotional dependence voice their problem.

That is why such relationships fail. The woman herself does not allow them to develop into something more. After all, with her constant fears, she repels a man and makes the process of emotional rapprochement difficult.

Emotional dependence. Only he!

In addition, when she closes all her feelings and emotions only on this person, relations with him become super important for her. She cannot share her emotions with anyone else, and an emotional dependency ensues. A woman can literally choke a man with her emotions, demand love for herself. A man in such a situation is uncomfortable, but the woman herself does not understand this.

A woman with a visual vector has a very large emotional potential, so it is disastrous for her to lock it on one person. The way out of this dependence can be more intensive communication with people, new experiences, communication of interests, creative realization.

Treating emotional addiction with love

What should a woman do who is infected with a severe emotional dependence on a man, perhaps even on her husband? How can she get rid of love addiction?

System-vector psychology explains that emotional addiction is treated by understanding why feelings suddenly began to bring pain, by understanding the nature of love. After all, this is the most natural realization for a person with a visual vector. And not only love for a man, it is generally love for people. Pay attention to your household, parents, brothers, friends, give them your kindness. When you are busy all day doing some joint business, solving current problems, you do not have time to suffer from emotional dependence, you have no time to remember this man and problems in relations with him. In addition, when you share your close emotions with your loved ones, your emotional life is balanced and you do not have fears.

Fears appear when a person with a visual vector is left alone for a long time without communication. When he or she does not realize his or her natural ability to connect emotionally with people. Such a woman sits and winds herself up: “I'm so good, but why doesn't anyone need me? Why doesn't he love me? Why is the world cruel to me? However, feeling sorry for yourself is not the best way to get rid of emotional dependence.

Getting rid of emotional dependence. Who loves is loved

I look at you like in a mirror
Before dizziness
And I see my love in him
And I think about her...

Yuri Antonov "Mirror"

To get rid of emotional dependence, you need to truly love. And this means - to create a deep and stable emotional connection with a man. This starts with simple communication. Spend more time with him, share your emotions, tell him your little secrets - something that only the two of you will know about. Focus on his reciprocal revelations, try to better understand and feel him. This creates love and intimacy. From everyday little things, from showing care for each other. Forget about yourself, think about him. What does he want, what is he thinking? What does he feel? Then no emotional dependence threatens you!

From the longing of emotional dependence to the happiness of mutual love

System-Vector Psychology says that the secret to treating emotional addiction is to focus on the partner, on his needs, his needs, his problems and his interests. True love is when you always try to please him and forget about yourself. Any man will appreciate your care, loyalty and devotion to him. An emotional connection is not built in one day, it is a long process. Therefore, do not expect that if you once ask how he is doing and if he is tired at work, he will immediately come running to you with a bouquet of flowers and will talk about his love. But be prepared to put all of yourself into your relationship and listen sensitively to the emotional state of your partner.

The tone in the relationship is set by the woman. It is she who begins to show the man that she is not indifferent to him, to attract his attention, to flirt with him. It is she who initiates long heart-to-heart conversations, correspondence on the Internet or in SMS messages. It is she who does everything to be desirable for a man, and he responds to her call.

After Yuri Burlan, there is a deliverance from any, even the most severe and long-term emotional dependence on a man. And this allows you to breathe new life into your relationship as a couple or meet new love and create a truly strong relationship.

Probably, each of us at least once in life felt like a person with a “broken heart”. At that moment, we were overwhelmed with feelings of longing and resentment, jealousy and anger, love and excruciating pain. For some of us, these experiences have ceased, while others fall into dependence on a person over and over again, which brings them torment and suffering.

The psychologists of our Center are regularly approached by people (more often these are girls and women) who experience emotional dependence on a particular person. Typically, such relationships have an “emotional coloring” of love, that is, they arise between a man and a woman as romantic, sexual. Over time, from an equal relationship between two partners, such love turns into a double-edged weapon that hurts both, but at the same time does not allow you to get out of the vicious circle.

With emotional dependence, the whole world for a person is concentrated on the object of love, for him there is nothing more important than a loved one and his needs. This state is experienced as the need to constantly be near, the absence of one's own interests (there are only common interests or the interests of a beloved). Psychological dependence on a person is accompanied by strong emotions, such as jealousy, anger and guilt. The addict is ready to suffer, sacrifice himself, for the sake of maintaining relationships, he suffers neglect, beatings, betrayal and partner addiction (alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling), etc.

Emotional dependence can manifest itself in different ways, but there are several common features that characterize such relationships.

Signs of love (emotional) dependence on a partner

All signs of love addiction can be reduced to one outwardly observable phenomenon - these are drastic changes in a person and his life. If these changes are creatively pleasant for a loving couple, then this is more about love, but if these changes are destructive and painful, then this is about addiction:

1. Frequent conflicts, quarrels, showdown.

3. The addict seeks to change his partner “for the better” at all costs (for example, he tries to cure his partner of drug or alcohol addiction, etc.).

4. The addict is under the illusion that the relationship is about to change, refusing to accept reality.

5. For the addict, the world narrows down to one person (stops meeting friends, forgets about his needs, stops doing what he loves, etc.).

6. The mood of the dependent partner is low, depressive.

7. Uncertainty in oneself, one's attractiveness, low self-esteem.

8. An addict tends to hide problems in relationships with a partner from others.

9. The symptoms listed above can be accompanied (and aggravated) by any other addiction - drug, alcohol, food, shopaholism, etc.

10. Violations of physical health, general well-being (sleep disturbance, digestive disorders, skin diseases, psychosomatic diseases, etc.)

The mechanism of development of love addiction

The mechanism of development of love addiction is very similar in its stages to the mechanism of development of chemical dependence in alcoholics and drug addicts. First, there is a stage of intoxication - a person falls in love, attraction, euphoria, delight that they love me. Then comes the hangover stage and the desire to increase the dose - since some addiction has already occurred and an increase in the dose of love is required to cling, as in the first stages. Then comes the third stage, which is similar to the withdrawal syndrome. This is the fear of losing a partner, and hence the following phrases come: “I can’t live without him” or “If he leaves, I will die.” The addict clings to the "beloved" like a drowning man to a straw. It's like the last chance of his life. And he does this because the need for care and love in a dependent person is greatly hypertrophied. But at the same time, it is not saturated. It can be compared with a leaky barrel, which you fill all the time, fill up, but it is simply impossible to fill it to the top. Because there is a hole, and everything flows away into nowhere. Also because the need for love and happiness cannot be satisfied with the help of someone or something. Only we can make ourselves truly happy. Therefore, first such a person needs to patch up his holes in the soul so that the love he does does not flow away. You need to take care of yourself, get to know yourself, learn to build healthy relationships. You can work on all this both independently and with the help of a specialist.

sex addiction

A special case of emotional dependence is sexual dependence. It is characterized by an obsessive desire for sexual intercourse. If love addiction is characterized by a painful relationship with one partner, then for sexual addiction, it is not the object that comes first, but the action itself. Sex addiction is more common in men. As in cases of other addictions (addictions), for a sexaholic, the object of his sexual addiction is a way to escape from reality, from himself and his own feelings. People with this type of addiction are characterized by numerous emotional difficulties: a tendency to low mood, impulsiveness, low self-esteem, feelings of guilt and shame, inner emptiness, the habit of hiding their problems from loved ones, inability to get pleasure from other sources, combination with other addictions, problems with health.

Therapy, or how to get rid of emotional or sexual addiction

1. What used to give me pleasure?

After the list appears, you can follow some of the steps to get the feeling that you can take care of yourself again. This method is offered not only in order to be distracted, but also so that a person can focus on himself, on what he wants, what interests him, on his needs, desires. Because, being in such a long relationship, in love addiction, a person does not think about himself at all. He undermines his health, strength, lives completely on bestowal.

2. What did this loving, painful relationship give, what did this object of adoration give, without which you now cannot do?

We must try to answer this question in the language of feelings. I feel, I experience, etc. And here you can ask yourself such an additional question - in what situations can I experience something like this? Maybe it will be creativity or travel.

This question shows us those hooks, those weak points by which the object of desire could hold you.

3. How can I make myself happy, support, protect?

It is important to try to give up self-criticism, learn to support yourself, be more interested in your desires. If the answer is silence, then do not be afraid. After a while, the answer will come. The most difficult thing in love addiction is that having experienced at least once painful painful love, we no longer recognize another love. In a calm and joyful feeling, we lack suffering, anguish, drama. When we meet true love, we don’t seem to notice it, we pass by.

It should be remembered that the causes of such addictive behavior are always within the personality of a person. Those. even if the emotionally addict breaks up with his partner, in the next relationship he is very likely to repeat the same behaviors.

If you find signs of emotional dependence in yourself, do not despair, know that you can and should work on this in the office of a psychologist. Modern methods of counseling, which are owned by our specialists, work very effectively with emotional dependence. After completing a course of work with a psychologist, you will not only “cure” from addiction to a particular person, but will be able to build “healthy” relationships based on love and trust, full of joy in the future.

If you suspect the presence of emotional or sexual addiction, you should contact a specialist - a psychologist or psychotherapist. It is very important in the process of getting rid of psychological dependence to eliminate the underlying causes that led to its appearance. Otherwise, even in the event of parting with the previous partner, the addict will subconsciously choose for himself a new relationship that will again doom him to torment.

Recovery starts with acceptance. Love addiction is not love. It is necessary to honestly assess the consequences of love addiction, your own contribution to this relationship. The second step is to find your true self. At this stage, the client learns to listen and hear himself, as dependent people suppress and devalue their feelings. They generally do not know themselves well, since for a long time they keep only their object of adoration in focus. It is often found that repressed feelings are not directly related to our childhood experiences. Also, the therapy strategy is aimed at increasing self-esteem. A lot of effort will be spent on finding and resolving negative programs, on forming alternative habits in order to be as far away from painful experiences as possible.

The specialists of the "Amber" Center have all the necessary knowledge, skills and experience for successful work with emotional addiction. At the initial consultation, the specialist will conduct, collect information about the life history and draw up a plan for subsequent psychological work on how to get rid of love addiction.

I can't live without him because I love him! Surely you have heard this phrase many times in the movies, and perhaps you have said it yourself. In fact, this is how many understand the real ones and at the same time they are very mistaken.

This is not love, but dependence - emotional in the first place. She replaces herself and disguises herself quite well as them, but she has one serious difference. Love is a bright, creative freedom. It is always mutual, because it grows only in relationships, it does not give torment.

Unrequited love is the wrong definition. This does not happen in our world. If the relationship causes suffering, then - emotional, material or otherwise - this does not change the essence.

Addiction is a substitute for love

Most often this is manifested in the relationship between a man and a woman. We are all looking for love, it is vital for us to experience with a loved one. But that's the way it is with a healthy person. If a person has an unhealed psychological wound, a gap in his emotional field, he will passionately need love, but is not able to experience it. All that is subject to him is to find himself an object that will feed him with the necessary vital energy.

What is characteristic: the thirst for this love or energy (call it what you want) will never fade away. As if there really is a gaping hole in the soul of a person, through which a feeling flows, and he greedily grabs his source, demanding more and more. This is what is called emotional addiction. Your relationship is sick and doomed until you can heal yourself.

The manifestation of dependence in relationships

If you want, you will find a large number of examples around you. The constant concentration of thoughts on the "beloved" person is exactly that notorious addiction. Emotional in the first place, because these feelings now determine the life of the addict, his relationship with other people, performance, emotional and physical state.

The whole life of an addict is in these relationships. It would seem that the object of such "love" should be happy. It happens, but then you can give an example: young people decide to live together, while the girl devotes herself to her chosen one, puts aside all dreams and plans for the sake of it, works and provides for her family while he receives a prestigious education and builds a career, and then ... he leaves her.

What are the reasons

Why is this happening? Because a person had to not rush into a relationship like a whirlpool, but go to a psychological help center. Instead, he, feeling that he is unhappy in loneliness, connects his hopes for happiness with this relationship.

But how could it be otherwise, because all mental suffering and all complexes disappear under one glance of a loved one! At first, this seems to be the case. But this is only an illusion, which, unfortunately, does not last long. Gradually, conflicts and misunderstandings begin, dissatisfaction with the partner and with oneself.

A person, without realizing it, suffers more and more, and this inevitably leads to the collapse of relationships, separation and even greater pain. And ahead, perhaps, new relationships, into which a person will throw himself with even greater zeal, believing that he has finally found exactly that one. It is easy to assume that the result is quite predictable.

Why is this happening

What is the essence of this phenomenon? Dependent behavior is primarily an attempt to compensate for one's own inferiority. The meaning of such a relationship is that the dependent person is trying to fill the void within himself with a partner. And this emptiness is quite scary. It manifests itself as an endless cold, as an excruciating discomfort, the filling of which is a matter of life and death.

A good psychological help center is what a person needs in such cases, but instead he continues his desperate attempts to find a soul mate and become happy.

The roots of psychological addiction

The above are the reasons for building "sick" relationships, but this phenomenon has its origins. To understand the reasons, you need to go back to deep childhood. When a baby is born, he is in a dependent relationship with his mother. Ideally, they do not feel separate from each other. This guarantees the child care, a sense of trust and protection. If a person goes through this stage normally - receives enough love - he will be open to the world and normal relationships. If the mother was aloof, gave the child little love, he grows up with her eternal thirst, which will be reflected in dependent relationships.

The second important stage falls on the age of 18-36 months. Now the main task of the child is to separate, to become a person. He tries to do everything himself and should hear “yes” much more often than “no”. The parent should provide security, but not interfere with the exploration of the world. The child must feel that he himself is valuable and the fruits of his activities are also valuable.

It is now that the opportunity is born to feel complete and to enter into deep, emotional contact with other people. If the development went wrong, if the child's activity was suppressed, scolded, overprotected, then he would get bogged down in a dependent relationship, the whole world would be poisoned by fear and distrust.

Development does not stop there, that is, the wounds received can be healed, but the older we get, the less likely it will happen. If a person’s need to receive love, acceptance and care was not satisfied in childhood, then he will “stick” to relationships with other people. The basis of dependent relationships is fear of life, self-doubt, a sense of inferiority, increased anxiety.

How dependencies are built

These relationships are a separate topic that can become material for an entire dissertation. Dependent behavior is manifested in the fact that a person is ready to endure anything, just not to be rejected and not to be left alone.

As already mentioned, love in a dependent relationship is a way to compensate for one's own insufficiency. The partner is an object that is designed to complement it to a holistic self. As you can see, such relationships are doomed to failure. The psychological state of both partners will only worsen, although the secondary benefits can save the relationship for a long time.

Development of such relations

In fact, dependent relationships are very limited, in which the psychological territory of one person is completely dissolved in the psychological territory of another. His "self", sovereignty disappears, he ceases to live his own life, completely dissolving in the life of a partner.

However, the psychological state under such conditions can only worsen. The task of filling oneself with another person is impossible, since internal integrity is achieved only as a result of the development of internal resources. Addiction is putting another person in the place of God. However, the creation of an idol and serving him to self-forgetfulness does not relieve one's own insufficiency. Addiction is a rejection of oneself.

Different dependency scenarios

There are quite a lot of scenarios according to which the described relations develop. We are all very different, and everyone is trying to get their own benefit. The more emotional a person is, the more passionately he rushes into such relationships and the faster he burns out. More restrained people, on the contrary, will test their strength, hesitate, but as a result they still won’t be able to get out of them what they need.

Let's look at the main scenarios of dependent relationships, none of which has a place for true intimacy, responsibility and love. The emotional characteristics of people determine which option they will choose:

Reflection in a partner. The benefit of a dependent person here is obvious: he chooses for himself such a partner who will constantly show him that he is extraordinary. It is difficult to say who loses more in these relationships. A dependent person will constantly demand that his chosen one express his love, satisfy his desires, every day would seek his location. That is, dooms to constantly prove that he is better than others and worthy of love. As soon as the partner gets tired of serving as a mirror, the relationship falls apart.
Relinquishing your own sovereignty. This is the dissolution of one's world in someone else's. The feeling of affection in this case is so great that a person lives in the interests of his chosen one. All responsibility for life is transferred to him, and with it for desires, goals and aspirations. That is, the addict plays the role of a child. Moreover, the more emotional the child, the more difficult it will be to build such relationships.
There may also be a reverse situation, when a dependent person seeks to absorb his partner himself, deprive him of sovereignty, subdue him. The emotional-volitional person in this case plays the role of a parent. He guides him, relying on the idea: "He can't do it himself, I know better what is best for him."
Absolute possession and destruction of the psychological territory of the object of love. That is, a partner for a dependent person in this case is perceived as a thing, and complete possession of him allows you to feel strong and significant. Moreover, responsibility for the life of a partner is declared, but not carried out, they are simply used. On it you can test your own ability to rule.

The main symptoms of emotional dependence

Only at first glance, strong attachment (read - addiction) is a synonym for love. In fact, this is a destructive relationship that you need to be able to see. How to see dependence behind numerous masks? First of all, in this case, partners often conflict, sort things out, quarrel. At the same time, the dependent partner seeks to maintain these relationships at any cost. Despite insults, humiliation, beatings, jealousy and betrayal, he will find hundreds of reasons for himself to stay together.

It is noteworthy that the addict is constantly striving to save his partner, to change him for the better. This can be seen most clearly in the example of a chronic alcoholic and his wife. At the same time, the addict refuses to perceive reality, he continues to be in the illusion that everything will work out. For him, the whole world narrows down to a single object, he stops communicating with friends, stops doing what he loves.

Internal changes on how emotional a person is. But most often his mood changes to depressive and depressed. He is more and more convinced of his own unattractiveness, self-esteem falls before our eyes. The addict tends to hide from others problems in relationships with a partner.

Moreover, he can simultaneously earn for himself one or more types of addiction. Not necessarily it will be alcohol or drugs - someone will become a shopaholic, the other will get hooked on sweets. Finally, physical health problems complete the list of symptoms. These are sleep disturbance and indigestion, skin diseases and psychosomatic diseases.

How to get rid of emotional addiction

A qualified psychologist can help you get out of the described situation. If you live in Moscow, you can contact the Gestalt Center, where the best specialists in their field are waiting for you.

In fact, any therapy is an appeal to oneself, a return to the origins, to early childhood, to healing oneself with the power of love, which was not enough then. This is what the psychologist will offer you.

The next step is to do a very important thing - to recognize the existence of dependence. One of the signs of this is its complete denial. Until you stop and turn to face it, you will be doomed to run from it for the rest of your life, pretending that you simply do not see it. Only after that you can move on to a new stage, to studying yourself, to deepening contact with yourself, feeling your own desires, long atrophied and forgotten, your feelings, needs and boundaries. Now it becomes possible to work with self-esteem and the ability to accept yourself.

The experience of strong emotions in dependent people is usually blocked. Often we fall into addiction precisely when we are unable to accept our anxiety and fear, shame and guilt.

Repression of feelings is not freedom, and you already know where this path leads. Therefore, an important direction in working with a psychologist is the gradual discovery of the entire spectrum of feelings. You have to allow yourself to live them, to feel them, to change with them. From here, another path opens - taking responsibility for your life. And this is at the same time a denial of responsibility for the lives of other people, for their fate and decisions. This is the only way to establish healthy boundaries in a relationship. This immediately resolves a huge number of problems, conflicts, resentment and pressure.

Deep Level Healing

When all the previous steps are completed, the opportunity to move to a new level will open. A therapist can help you regain your ability to feel vulnerable and attached, your need for intimacy. Releasing the inner child is a long and difficult process. Usually, in order to complete this process, it is required to work out the consequences of psychological trauma. Working with traumatic experience is the need to mourn and say goodbye to unfulfilled childhood happiness, to those dreams that have remained unfulfilled. As a result of such grief, we grow up.

Finally, the last task remains - to learn constructive communication without manipulation. We need to learn to accept ourselves and others, to endure reality and its discrepancy with our expectations, to accept our own emotions, to accept and share responsibility. And at the same time stay in touch with your inner child. Psychological help will be invaluable for acquiring new skills.