Do not judge strictly if I repeat something from the above writtenIn the army they don’t treat, in the army they don’t let you die ...
In the army, everything is ugly, but monotonous!
There is no "sp * zdili" in the army. There is only "pro * ball"
The soldier is sleeping - the service is on, the soldier is on - the service is on, the soldier is running, but the service is still on ...
It's in the military registration and enlistment office you need to be sick, but it's better to go to the army healthy
Everything is possible in the army, if without pale
Two drunken spirits of the Airborne Forces are stronger than a company of the Airborne Forces.
In the army, they don’t swear, they speak it.
The soldier is not cold, the soldier is fresh.
Brake in the company - the company in the sweat.
We are * but, and we laugh - we will demobilize anyway.
Two soldiers from the construction battalion replace the excavator. JDV spirit alone replaces these two.
The best pill is a stool.
The goal of the sergeant is to fuck, the goal of the soldier is to fuck.
Who does not smoke and does not drink, does not swear, will not get into the ZhDV, even if he does not try.
A soldier has three holidays: lunch, lights out and demobilization.
Initiative *bet of the initiator.
Conscience is a luxury, and soldiers are poor people
A woman gives birth to a child, and a soldier anything!
Piss girls on my chest, I want to give up in the Airborne Forces! The girls pissed, the girls shit ... anyway, they took them to the railway ...
By the will of God and heaven, the guys serve in the Air Force. By the will of the demon, the rail and sleepers, I ended up serving in the railway
The army is deaf, like in a tank, but we need it to appreciate the whole buzz of the "citizen"
If the spirit sits like a mouse, don't be scared - it's a trick
The less the copter knows, the more soundly the foreman sleeps
A stool in a soldier's hand beats no worse than a machine gun
If you retreat at a speed greater than the speed of the enemy's advance, then you can catch up with him from the rear - the Earth is round.
The army is a club of the cheerful and resourceful. Cheerful on the "lip", resourceful on vacation
Demobilization is not a girl, it will not pass by
Here they can call us a dog and give a damn about our honor, but in our hearts we will send them “fuck!” and as always we will answer "yes!"
Only one who knows three truths can become a soldier: sleep in any position, fierce hatred for work, bestial appetite
For a soldier, a holiday is like a wedding for a mare. Head in flowers and neck in soap
Not every man is a soldier, not every soldier is a man...
Who was a student, he saw youth. Who was a soldier, he saw life ...
Do not laugh at those who are in gray overcoats, but laugh at those who did not wear them.
Once in childhood, I dreamed of wearing an overcoat and a helmet. Now I got into the army ... * I balled such a fairy tale in my mouth ...
The army is a dream, God forbid, I will still have a dream ...
The whole life of a soldier is a struggle. Before dinner - with hunger, after dinner - with sleep.
A soldier loves work so much that he can look at it for hours!
It's hot in the south, ice is in the north, and we're in the ZhDV, we're all fucked up!
It happens that you wake up like a bird - a winged spring on a platoon and you want to live and work! But by breakfast it's gone...
Everyone is afraid of the Russian army, especially all guys under 27!
I believe, brother, demobilization will come, there will be no stripes and shoulder straps, and we will whip moonshine together at the hut!
Do not argue with the foreman that the Earth is round. For * beshish leveling!
Colonels do not run, because in peacetime it causes laughter, and in wartime it causes panic.
The orderly should not go beyond the radius of the square of his bedside table
Two pairs of boots, two pairs of HB and you can write DMB on the wall
Who works at night? Thieves, whores and those in dress
Ears are cold, nose is cold, diarrhea after dinner, the army is a big madhouse, we live happily in it!
He does not know love and affection, who was not in boots and a helmet
Thanks to the native army, for youth with a bald head
Wherever I am, wherever I drink, I will not forget the lads with whom I served!
Serve as a soldier, and don't be afraid that someone suddenly forgot you, friends do not forget a friend, and whoever forgot was not one
Smoke break, lights out, lunch - there are no better words in the world
When nations fight among themselves, it is called war. (K. Prutkov)
The commander said a ferret means a ferret, and no gophers!
Short dashes from me to the next oak.
The rats alerted the captain of the ship that they were on a drill.
Who served in the army, he does not laugh in the circus.
Whoever comes to us with a sword will receive it in a plowshare. (N.Fomenko)
Lies a fighter, failed to cope with the attack
A fighter is lying, he could not cope with the attack (N. Fomenko)
It's better to be a coward for a minute than to be a dead man all your life
Better with a sweetheart in a hut than with a shovel in a dugout
Any business can be done in three ways: right, wrong, and the way they do in the army
I was awarded the Order of the Legion of Honor. However, few people managed to avoid this difference. (M. Twain)
We will destroy our nuclear weapon along with America. (V.Chernomyrdin)
We often think with regret of the time when Napoleon shot at the editor of a magazine, but missed and killed the publisher. Still, we appreciate his good intentions. (M. Twain)
NATO does not threaten us (Russia). What makes you think that Ukraine's accession to NATO can threaten us? I want to say it easier. We in Russia do not want Ukraine to turn from a near abroad into a distant one. Ukraine should be more concerned about this than we are! (V.Chernomyrdin)
Do not talk nonsense (N. Fomenko)
Not every general is complete by nature. (K. Prutkov)
Not every captain is a police officer! (K. Prutkov)
Not every person even has a hussar uniform to face. (K. Prutkov)
Don't play the fool (N.Fomenko)
No need to run from a sniper, you will only die tired (M. Zhvanetsky)
A Russian tank is not as scary as its drunken crew.
Wouldn't you go Vanek on the soldiers (N. Fomenko)
Some look brave because they are afraid to run away (M. Zhvanetsky)
No, I'm not sleeping, I'm just blinking slowly (N. Fomenko)
There is no "military thinking"; these are two concepts that have nothing in common. (G. Garrison)
We'll ruin the planes first.
First of all, we will ruin the planes, but the girls, and the girls later!
In front of the doctor's office in the medical unit: "AIDS, pregnancy and other sexually transmitted diseases are sexually transmitted"
The soldier who does not dream of sleeping with the general is bad (N. Fomenko)
The soldier who does not want is bad (N. Fomenko)
Slippers rumbled on the floor (N. Fomenko)
It's good to be a lieutenant colonel, but it's better to be a general
After the end of firing, combat and training cartridges must be reset
Put a barrier, or an intelligent major
Russians and Chechens are like two birds that cannot get along in the same lair (A. Lebed)
The most disliked saying of sappers: one foot here, the other there
The most miserable thing in the world is the crowd; here is the army - the crowd; they go into battle not because courage has flared up in them - they are given courage by the consciousness that there are many of them and that they are in command. (M. Twain)
Boots should be cleaned in the evening, and in the morning put them on with a fresh head.
Now you are looking out of the audience window, but the time will come when you will look out of the window of the tank entrusted to you.
Sergeant! Your orderly is not cut, it hangs on your ears
Do you hear what is expected of us? C300. We know what it is. This is not God forbid! Today C300, and tomorrow let's have another ... and the day after tomorrow the third. That's what it is! (V.Chernomyrdin)
I'll take off: gas mask - in 6 seconds; condom - in 5 seconds; bra - in 4 seconds; night watchman - after three attempts
Soldier without a shovel - violation of the uniform
Tanks are not afraid of dirt!
Tanks are not afraid of dirt!
Comrade cadets! When detecting a flash of a nuclear explosion, the most important thing is to turn your back on it so that the steel from the bayonet does not drip onto reproductive organs or government boots
Comrade cadets, what are your last names? - Ivanov, Petrov, Sidorov! - What are you, brothers? - No, cousins
Comrade cadet! You are like an African bird, an ostrich, which from the height of its flight does not see the general line of the party
Comrade soldiers! Today, a naked woman was found on the door of the nightstand. With the forces of the outfit, we tore it off and threw it into the toilet. Who does not believe - can go and make sure
Accuracy - courtesy of snipers
We have created all the conditions that need to be overcome in order to become a real officer
Killed while trying to commit suicide
You may not shine with your mind, but you must shine with your boot
Hearing the barking of a patrol dog, the sentry duplicates his voice
A man who served in the army does not laugh at the circus.
What did you break in like a horse? You don't have a tongue to knock?
What kind of toenails have you grown? Like an eagle, even climb trees
What did you, comrade cadet, draw such an uneven square? What are you, colorblind?
This explosive is shaped like plasticine.
This is not for you to twist the bolts on the microcircuits!
This is not for you to hug hedgehogs!
This is not soap for you to drive in a basin!
This is not for you to tuck your fur coat into your shorts!
This is what else! It happens much worse: for example, when planes crash, but people survive ...
I met with many policemen who died, with demonstrators who died; and everyone asks me a question... (Vit. Klitschko)
I ordered all the puddles to be placed on the parade ground so that the officers would not urinate on the way home!
Funny, funny, witty, comic phrases, aphorisms, sayings and quotes:
Military aphorisms
The enemy is not a cockroach - you can't kill with a slipper!
The inscription behind the orderly: Checking not Santa Claus - when he comes, you don’t know.
Hard in teaching, come to the army.
Killed the enemy - smoke a smoke. (I. V. Stalin)
Motherland is not a heifer - betrayal does not forgive.
Shooting is not kissing - you can't practice on tomatoes!
The level of cleanliness of the toilet is an indicator of the level of purity of the soldier's soul.
Fighter, watch out so that even a fly does not crawl past!
Charter - life! It is written by people, not by WORD!
Drilling is not higher mathematics, you need to think here!
The army is not Call of duty, first-aid kits do not lie on the road like that.
A tank is not a luxury, but a means of transportation to the battlefield.
Thrifty - the head of the clothing warehouse saves.
The head of the clothing warehouse gave - the head of the clothing warehouse and took away.
The cartridge does not fall far from the chamber.
Fighter, remember: the hat and head are one!
When receiving a weapon - do not click the shutter!
Lost vigilance - surrendered to the enemy!
Keep your mouth shut while eating!
The enemy does not sleep! The enemy has insomnia!
Soldier, remember: smoking outside the smoking room is equivalent to setting fire!
Statuses about the army
(44 Votes)* * *
After Vovochka went to the army - to mow from the institute.
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In the army, boys are made into real men... But without the participation of women.
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Walk, girl, sleep well. After all, somewhere, clutching a machine gun, you are reliably guarded by your faithful boyfriend, your soldier.
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One step forward and two steps back, never mind, I'm a soldier...
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The soldier is sleeping - the service is on! But the most important thing is that when a soldier runs, the service goes on anyway.
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The army is voluntary. If you want, go, if you don't want, they'll take you!
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Now that you have become a soldier, forget civil dreams ... Kiss at night with an AUTOMATIC AND GIVE flowers to the foreman))))
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To become a good soldier, you need to give up all smart thoughts.
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Boots should be cleaned in the evening and put on a fresh head in the morning.
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Without an order, do not speak, do not ask for anything, move only by running.
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At the recruiting office, the head asks the conscript: - Well, 2000 bucks or the army? The conscript shows the camera and answers: - White ticket or YouTube?
Aphorisms, quotes.", "Hide")">Video: A copy of the video Aphorisms, quotes.
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The main principle in the army - if you do not have time to puzzle, you can sleep.
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How I miss those eyes!! and you know what it is. when you look through the glass of the train at your own eyes and understand that you will see them in a year !! It's not a week, it's not a month, it's a year! whole summer, autumn, winter, spring, holidays, birthdays, every lonely morning, every lonely evening!! how damn!! for this year, others change half their lives, but for me they fly only for the same ones.
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Beloved went to the army ((((How hard it is without him ... But I will definitely wait for you zay ... I love ...
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Sleep girl, sleep dear. I protect you! When I come to civilian life, fuck you sleep with me!
Funny aphorisms about the army
Military education instills courage through fear.
Here you are not here - here you will quickly get out of the habit of drinking vodka and breaking disgrace.
At the command "CLEAR" comes the dark time of the day.
Army rule: "Only he who knows how to obey can command." It's like saying, "Only those who know how to sink can swim."
The army is people gathered in one place for the sole purpose of correcting the mistakes of diplomats.
Wherever a deer passes, there a soldier will pass.
Our army needs central heating batteries most of all in winter.
Watching the battle from the side, everyone fancies himself a strategist.
Who runs faster than a sheepdog? It's fire spirits!
The soldier who does not want to become a corporal is bad.
The paratrooper, like an expensive service, can fall and break.
The more the paratrooper sleeps, the less harm he does.
Funny aphorisms about the army
The best remedy is running in a gas mask!
He didn't like salted tomatoes, because the head wouldn't fit into the jar, and if it did, it stung his eyes.
Comrades, it's time to recover! And we haven't eaten yet!
The radio station should be in the head of the head of the column.
The cries and groans of the dead were heard on the battlefield.
If a stone is thrown up, then, since the force of gravity acts on it, it will fall to the ground.
What if he falls into the water?
This does not concern us, they do it in the Navy.
Here's what you need to do to have a correct speech impediment
Articles on sexual education in the journal "Health" contribute to the strengthening of military discipline.
From and before marriage, I did not know what a disease was: I was healthy inside and out!
When I drink sparkling water, for some reason it hits me right on the top of my head, and not in my nose.
I feel myself, but not well.
What interests you more: what I say, or a dead dove that flies over the dining room?!
At the command "Equal!" the kettle turns to the right.
Do not point a weapon at people, even if it is loaded.
Girls who do not know how to salute, two steps forward!
Army - aphorisms, jokes, insanity, jokes, needs.
Army
What if there is a war or some other event?
But this leads to the death of numerous victims!
And you'd better keep quiet, comrade cadet, your noodles on your ears haven't dried yet.
And if you run out of ammo in battle, what should you do? Shoot further to mislead the enemy.
And if it is difficult, then you need to clench your teeth into a fist.
And on the first floor of our department there are classes No. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 and so on up to the 12th.
And for me, let them at least kill everyone, so long as there is no war! ...
And from 17 o'clock we will clean the snow by the communists.
And I will talk to you on YOU: I will expel, reprimand, fuck ...
Abashidze, overgrown like an elephant, hairy, how much!
The machine works like this: one, two, three - and you are gone.
The Americans used a new super-bomb to suppress the enemy's electronic weapons - and were surprised to find that microprocessors are not used in Kalashnikov assault rifles ...
The army is a dream, God forbid, I will still have a dream ...
An army without a mat is like a soldier without a machine gun.
The army, apart from benefit, cannot bring any harm.
Drummer! Play the anthem of the Soviet Union!
God does not help large battalions, but those who shoot better.
God created the strong and the weak, and Mr. Colt leveled their chances
God created sleep and silence, and the devil - the rise and the foreman.
The combat sheet should be a combat sheet, because it is a combat sheet.
The fighter was young, inexperienced. He hesitated, two fingers of a bread slicer chopped him off. It’s a pity that he was so commissioned in a new uniform ...
A fighter must salute every tree, starting with me.
Combat is the only means of achieving victory in combat.
To the fighter of the invisible front - an invisible heroic star!
There were guard dogs there. Looked, talked - were ordinary dogs.
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Army. army humor, aphorisms army jokes
And here are collected pearls of army humor, some from the Internet and literature, and some from personal combat experience
Who served in the army - he does not laugh in the circus!
We carry the round, we roll the square ...
We don't need any enemy at all, we'll kill ourselves and die.
You called the call center of the recruiting assembly point: if you want to serve in the army, press the star, if you do not want, press the pound sign.
The soldier is sleeping, the service is going on.
The life of a soldier is a struggle. Before dinner - with hunger, after dinner - with sleep.
The more oaks in the army, the stronger our defense.
Sleep is the only occupation a soldier takes seriously.
A smoke break shortens not only life, but also service.
In the army, they do not swear, but talk.
They scored on health, but they ask how smart!
Vodka is the enemy. A soldier is not afraid of enemies and destroys.
Boots should be cleaned in the evening in order to put them on in the morning with a fresh head!
In case of alarm, pants should be placed on a stool with the width towards the exit ...
Frost and sun, wonderful day. Once Pushkin wrote. From these words it is clear immediately. Curly army did not know.
They don’t steal and don’t lose in the army - they stay in the army ...
One in the field is not a warrior, the orderly said and went to sleep.
New statuses about the army for guys and girls. cool and funny, and sad statuses about the army for classmates, VKontakte, ICQ and agent.
Young people go to the army to gain courage, life experience and pay back to the Motherland. But many refuse to join the army, taking it as an introduction into their personal life, a call to do something against the will of a person. Therefore, many possible ways trying to get out of service in the armed forces of their country. Many servicemen are waiting for their beloved girls, they remain faithful to their loved ones throughout the entire period, while their young people run in formation and live in the barracks. Undoubtedly, the soldier is also waiting for his best friends, the arrival of the demobilization best friend- it is always a big holiday that drags on not for one day, but for at least a week or even a month. While serving in the army, a soldier learns a lot, rethinks a lot in life, and, already upon arrival home, this is a completely different person, with certain values and values. life priorities. After the army, the road to life is open to you, easier job, because you are treated with respect and know that you have only serious intentions.
Statuses about the army
When many go to the army, they put funny statuses on their page, addressed to friends, girlfriend, or all together. This status can no longer be changed throughout the entire service life, or until vacation. However, on the wall of such users throughout the entire service life appear
